Monster
by JeNnIcA-iS-tHe-BoMb
Summary: You’re a monster you filthy brat. You killed your own mother!


**So, this is a rather depressing Spot story, but from what I have heard, it's pretty good. Writress helped me by giving me his basic history (she plays Spot on the Newsies rp I'm on) and I wrote this. So, without further ado, her it is!**

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Monster. That was what Spot Conlon thought he was. He didn't deserve to be leader. But no, Trash had made him the leader. He lit a cigarette, putting it in his mouth and looking around to see if any of his newsies or birds was watching him. They weren't, thank god. He was glad that Doll knew that he needed to be alone. But at times, he wished he could tell one of his newsies why he was such a bad guy. He couldn't, he never could, none of them would ever understand why Jonathan Conlon Junior would never tell his past.

His parents gave him the same name as his father, who loved both him and his mother very, very much. They weren't quite poor, not quite rich, somewhere in the middle. They were a well off family. And for a while, Jonathan Jr. wanted to be just like his father, because he kept his family well fed, and had a pretty decent job that brought in money for the whole family. Spot smirked at the remembrance of wanting to be like his father, how much he wanted to be like his father who was truly the man who made him this way.

But sadly, after a while, when he had turned five, tragedy had hit his family. His mother was sick, and no one had known what she had. And no one knew how to cure it. Sure enough, she died. Even when they had paid the doctor to find out what was wrong, they still hadn't found out what was wrong with her. Jonathan Jr.'s mother had left him for the only reason of being sick and weak after he was born. His father felt worse than his own son did. He didn't think of his son after his wife died.

That's when his thoughts turned around.

His father figured it was his son's fault his wife, his precious wife was gone. He started drinking, and every day, he would hurt the son he once loved so much. He hurt his son until he screamed and couldn't fight back. Jonathan Conlon no longer cared about himself, or his son, only the woman he lost to disease. His son got the worst end of it these days, to a point where, someday he himself would be just as cold and heartless as his father; a man broken because of one woman.

Spot frowned, the memories were flooding back fast. The words his father called him, still fresh in his mind. _Murderer. Failure. _And the worst of those, _Monster. _Even to this day he thought of himself as a monster. He had too. No matter how many times anyone tried to convince him, his father's words reminded him of what he was, even when Doll would be so close to making him believe he wasn't a monster, he could hear his father's words echoing in his ears. _You're a monster you filthy brat. You killed your own mother!_

After a while, he had gotten tired of his father beating him, and he ran away to Brooklyn, where he was welcomed. It was different, not being hit, but as soon as he was promoted to leader, he was just as cruel as his father, almost. His punishment for disobeying, jumping off the roof into the water. He'd yell at his newsies, and made most of them the best spies in New York. But there was one thing, after all these years, he had forgotten. That was love; unconditional love was something he didn't know. Spot sighed. That was the reason he never told anyone his past.

He could always tell Trash, he could trust Trash. He had been the leader before him, so he probably knew what to do. He could tell Doll… "No," he said to himself. "Not her." As much as he liked her, he could never tell her. She wouldn't understand. Sure, losing a twin was bad, but to him, it was nothing. Everything compared to what happened to him was nothing. That, and she always told him that he wasn't a monster. God that was such a lie, but her words always stuck in his mind.

Just like his father's. And his father's words were louder.

Monster.

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**Tell me what ya thinks peoples. =) reviews are welcome.**

**Keep Carrying the Banner,**

**JeNnIcA-iS-tHe-BoMb**


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